Women In Abusive Relationships:How You Can Help

             

Anybody can be abused, and it’s not about who or what the person is or not doing right.

If you think or suspect a friend, relative, co-worker or fellow student is being abused, you're not powerless. You need to realize that there are things you can do to help.

But first, you need to understand that it won't be easy and it's not going to be about you. You need to be strong, stable, caring and have true compassion.

A victim of abuse, for example, is often unaware that she is being abused. She may think she caused the problems in the relationship. 

Many times abuse victims minimize the weight of what they're being put through, whether they realize it or not. Just bear in mind that it’s a very real possibility that you'll be the first person to recognize that abuse is going.

What to do:

 It takes selflessness and concern to be a good listener. Since a victim of abuse often feels isolated, a good listener can be a lifeline. Let her purge all her emotions -- guilt, confusion, anger and fear. Let her know you're there to help and that you believe what she's saying. But, above all, let her speak her mind and don't interrupt or attempt to direct the conversation.

An abuse victim is living in the midst of confusion; you can provide clarity. Let her know that she's not to blame. Remind her that she's not alone. She may happily share that her abuser has said he's sorry and has vowed to never to do it again. Make it clear that those kinds of assurances are simply another form of manipulation.
Stand firm and help her to stand firm, too. If you waffle, it will be more difficult for her to see the abuse for what it is.

Expressing judgment can do more harm. Remember, a victim of abuse is already being made to feel inadequate. She's likely hearing that she's stupid, flawed or even psychologically unstable. She's probably unnecessarily shouldering the blame for the dysfunctional relationship she finds herself in. Just shake your head but don’t abuse or judge her.

Don't wait to help. Hesitation could lead to a regret you'll carry with you for a long time. You may feel like you're poking your nose in someone else's business or you feel uncomfortable with asking her question.
Have the courage to reach out to her before it’s too late. Trust your instincts and be bold. Remind yourself that an outsider -- a friend, relative, or co-worker -- is often the first person to recognize an abusive relationship, even before the victim of abuse recognizes it herself. This is not a time for procrastination; it's a time for action.
Make that call, report to NGO’s in charge of such cases, call family members etc. Just do what you can to save a life.